Here are the myths around libido (and the secret for kicking a lazy libido back to life, together).
Sexologist and author of ‘The Mindful Sex Guide’ Juliet Allen clears up the confusion and reveals the secret to a thriving libido.
WelleCo (W): How many of your clients approach you due to concerns about their libido compared to other sexual concerns?
Juliet Allen (JA): Concern about libido is one of the biggest challenges that my clients face. Many women and men are living a life full of stress - women specifically are being everything for everyone - the mother, lover, business woman, and breadwinner. When we are stressed, our body naturally decommissions our sex drive to save energy. Therefore, it's really important we get enough sleep, eat well, drink lots of high-quality water, and look after our mental health and exercise. All of this contributes to our libido.
Researchers and sexologists advise that many men may feel the burden of stigma and sexual shame around wanting to improve their libidos. Here is how to make life easier for him and enhance your libidos together.
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W: Do you believe that the cultural expectations around what a person’s sexuality ‘should’ be has psychological implications? Is this different for men and women?
JA: I do think many people feel they 'should' be enjoying a lot of great sex every day, and so the pressure to perform can definitely be too much and have the effect of lessening libido. I think a 'sexual person’ is a person who embraces their sexual energy and their desire for authentic, real and pleasurable sex.
I think we have this challenge in the world, amongst both women AND men, because of the lack of holistic sex education that we receive. Unfortunately, we're not taught how to connect to our sexuality from a young age, and so we have no clue how to manage our sex hormones and all the changes that come with puberty. And then when we reach adulthood, we have literally been feeling our way through intimacy and sex, and so it's no fault of our own that we feel disconnected to our sexuality and sexual identity.
Another reason for this challenge is that we're not encouraged enough to seek support and help via therapists and coaches. So many of us experience sexual trauma at a young age, and yet most of us are suffering in silence. I believe that if we seek out therapy and support to work through the stuff that is holding us back from feeling sexually empowered, that's when the real changes happen, and we begin to empower our children and the younger generation through our own transformations.
And many people just aren’t prioritising their health and their relationship with themselves. This has a huge effect on libido and presents women from fully embracing and enjoying their sexual energy and sexuality.
W: How can men and women feel empowered to take charge of their libido?
JA: Firstly, people need to prioritise this part of their lives. They need to fully own that they want to take charge of their sex drive, and they want to enjoy great sex. When we can own this part of ourselves it's no longer in the shadows, it's a decision we make that empowers us and flows on into all areas of our lives.
To learn more about Juliet Allen’s work as a Sexologist, you can visit her website or follow her on Instagram. Her online course, ‘The Mindful Sex Guide’ which empowers men and women to feel tuned into their sexuality, is also available via her website.